wish i could follow my own advice.

I give myself very good advice

But I very seldom follow it.

~~Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

More like, I give OTHERS very good advice, but when I am faced with a situation where I’m out of my comfort zone or don’t know what to do, I have to stop and think…- what would I tell others to do if I were in that situation? I like to stay true to myself and my morals and what I think is right.

But half the time I can’t remember what I tell people, and it makes me pissed – Am I making an exception for myself? Is this something I would strongly advocate against, but because it’s me, I’m biased?

I also ask myself if I would regret doing something this way, just for the sake of feelings or feeling better slightly for the time being or fitting in and stuff like that. Is what I’m doing because I’m naive and inexperienced? Am I being too gullible or weak and easy to be pushed around?

If I do this, would I be going against what I keep telling others not to do or would I be doing something that I normally judge people against? Am I being a hypocrite? What about other people? If they see me, and they’re like me (as in, they judge me the way I judge them), would I be judged or even badmouthed the way I judge them, or worse?

Where is it that I stand, as a person? What ranking do I have?

Judging others comes naturally, not badmouthing or making fun of, but first impression or longterm judgments. The ones people make on a normal day to day basis. But, in the grand scheme of things, am I better or worse than the people I judge?

I like to think of myself as open-minded and not very/super judgmental. I like to think the better of other people, and worse of myself. But, I wish I could see myself and the world from an unbiased point of view. God’s view, perhaps. Haha. I should ask him. Where do I stand? Am I better or worse than those people that I judge? Do I overlook mistakes or bad things I have committed/bad things I’ve said because of my bias towards myself, but towards others I think of it as an unforgivable sin/mistake that they have to live with or be known for forever? Things like these or people like this are people I abhor: hypocrites and two-faced people. I want to know this, so that I know what I can do and can’t do. I know what things I have to look out for, I know what things to avoid. I know not to say things that aren’t in my right. It’s all about who has the right to do what.

These things get on my nerves like crazy.

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My Christian or church friends would probably say stuff like repent for all the things you think you did terribly or badly, and pray/ask God what He thinks you should do. but…I don’t know. It’s hard to talk to God. Maybe it’s because I don’t truly put my trust in him or let him guide my life, or maybe I don’t want to give him control over my life. Maybe I want to be in control of my own life, and experience things too, but do what is right and be justified in doing things.