Archive | November, 2011
30 Nov

I am the king of excuses

I’ve got one for every selfish thing I do

Tell me, what’s going on inside of me?

I despise my own behaviour

It only serves to confirm my suspicions

That I’m still a man in need of a Savior.

~DC Talk – “In the Light”

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it’s so easy to forget what you can do all by yourself when you have other people around you.

30 Nov

because the more you rely on others, the less you rely on yourself, and your dependence on others grows….then you start feeling worthless because you feel like you can’t do anything by yourself and you have to rely on others for everything. the more of other people you pay attention to in your life, the less you know about yourself. you forget things. your “self” disappears slowly. it’s so easy to get hooked to something, and while you’re addicted, you say you can’t do anything without it, or you can’t stop using it. but seriously, try getting rid of it. it may be the best thing you’ve done, and it’ll be such a relief to you, and you’ll start finding yourself again. it’ll help you sort out your life and priorities.

so you have to leave or distance yourself from the people you attach yourself to, those who distract you, in order to rediscover things you can do on your own perfectly fine. you don’t need to follow others and the way they do things. don’t let yourself be influenced by the way other people live their lives, because although in doing things that way, it may work out perfectly for them, you may not get the same/expected results. it’s better to just carve a road out for yourself, and not cross over it into other people’s territory or roads/way they do things, and just focus on your own. because only you really know inside what it is that you want and what you need to do. YOU know, not other people. they carve themselves roads toward where they want to get, it’s not like you can follow them and suddenly get to the place you want to get if the road you use leads somewhere else in the first place. you can watch other people and find their paths interesting, but don’t stray from your own, if you know it’s good for you. other people have their own paths. you also have your own. don’t follow in someone else’s footsteps because it’ll mess you up. you’ll follow it for a while, then you’ll get lost or stuck, and it’ll be a pain to get back. in this society, things we do are overrated. staying connected and watching and thinking about other people is overrated. what other people are doing, what they think, where they are — it’s as if there’s going to suddenly be tons of “stalking syndromes” coming out. people who don’t care what they themselves are doing, but they need to know what other people are doing. that’s the only way they get their life, the only way they feel alive and connected to other people — by an impersonal telling of someone else’s tales or things they are doing right at the moment. seriously, if you know what someone else is doing or laughing at or watching or going or playing or singing or listening to or whatever, will you become friends? it’s ridiculous how much time we spend nowadays thinking about things or looking up things that have absolutely no relevance to our lives or news around the world or other things that can educate us or that we can relate to. you think by facebook stalking someone, you’ll become their friend? that the more you know about them — their favorite color or book, you’ll be able to form a close relationship with them? what about something more than that then — what about love? you think you can love via instant messaging? ask someone out, get to know them, via something so impersonal, irrelateable, and shallow? can you tell their expressions and feelings — can you see through the computer or chat box or email to their hearts or facial expressions? …seriously?! this is also why i hate the idea of texting so much. okay, asking ur mom to pick you up from school at 4 instead of 3 is something different. those are impersonal messages anyway. but people who communicate full-time with an impersonal, shallow conversation, that’s terrible. is that life? is that interaction? there’s no more interaction between texts than things like CleverBot or Siri.

i really went on a tangent about all that internet/social media stuff. and this next thing may be off topic but…i really don’t feel like connecting separate thoughts right now. so bear with me 😛

Maybe I’m too innocent, simple-minded, idealistic, and naive, but life would be so much better if we knew what other people were thinking about us and judging us about, so we could just change or improve our characters and actions for the better instead of being ignorant and all of a sudden finding oneself in a very big, dark pit that you didn’t even know you dug for yourself.

wow, my life has been kind of very sucky during the last few days.

29 Nov

I’m not totally dying though — it could be worse (then again, if I didn’t sign up for that one thing this would never have happened -_-), so I’m not like totally complaining. It’s true that some things aren’t fair at all, but it was true that I did make mistakes and didn’t work as much as I should have. Things will never always be fair in life, and even if you work hard, if you don’t show results people will still not care about you or treat you like you haven’t tried at all. -_-

eh, well, I know I won’t be dropped, hopefully, and that’s all that matters.

An update about Thanksgiving break: (b/c I remembered that I didn’t blog the entire time over break) Turkey Day was very un-Turkey-ful, parce que I didn’t eat any 🙂 I had hot pot with my mom, aunt, and uncle at their house. ’twas fun. On Wednesday, I went to my friend EriPanguin’s house for a sleepover! 😀 Elle est cool beans. (Pardonne-moi pour ma Franglish. :)) We watched I am Number Four and had an awesome potluck. I brought (obviously, the best dish of them all. all the other dishes are lesser-dishes :D) pineapple fried rice with sausage!! ❤ soooo good. haha thank you mommy! ❤ After fangirling over the romantic cuteness of the guy and girl in the movie, I went to sleep. And then woke up with a twisted spine and a pulled neck muscle/crick in my neck. which took forever to get rid of. omfg. then I went out for lunch (this is turkey day, again) with my aunt, uncle, and mom. All my other relatives are in Taiwan or L.A., none of them could make it back. So it was just us four. And our two dogs (my aunt’s doggy, Mickey, and my cutieful doggy, Candi!) they’re both Malteses. 🙂 We went to this amazing Chinese restaurant. I NEVER like Chinese restaurants cuz they’re too oily or salty >.< but this one was reallyyyy good. First Chinese restaurant I’ve actually liked. After that was the dinner, obviously, and then BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING and research online. We had planned on watching a movie and playing mahjong (which I love and have always been playing for my entire life, even though, sadly, I totally suck) but I had to look up things to buy online before they were sold out (all those annoying sneaky people buying things before black friday D:<<). But then the next day I overslept and woke up at 7:30am. So I bought everything online and then at 10am I went to the mall with my mom 🙂 We got a TON of stuff — the most I’ve ever bought in my life hahaha. I got at least 10 articles of clothing :O and a flat iron and a digital camera online. I got a lot of sweaters and coats and jackets.

I had planned on making up for my lack of sleep and being all awesome by the end of the break and totally un-sleep-deprived, but that did not work at all. I’m still super tired and I didn’t go to sleep that much longer than I usually do.

I have resolved, however, that I will study my butt off during these two weeks before finals, and that I will put lotion on every other day at least, that I will keep up my absolutely perfect skincare regimen, review a chapter a day of both biology, math, and social studies, and read ahead in the social studies and biology textbooks and Fahrenheit 451 whenever I get the chance.

However, I am suffering from post-Hunger Games reading syndrome, and am craving for the next book, Catching Fire. Als0, I haven’t been able to read any good shoujo mangas for the last few months, so I’m also suffering from my ravenous craving for cute-romantic-lovey-dovey-moments syndrome, so I keep on imagining how cute movie, drama, book, or manga couples will be together and cute romantic scenarios. -_-

Especially after I watched the movie I am Number Four — THE ROMANCE IN THAT WAS SOOO CUTE AND THE GIRL WAS SOOO PRETTY AND AWESOME AND THE GUY WAS PRETTY GOODLOOKING (not at first, but he grew on me 🙂 cuz they look good together <3) and he’s soo badass. And that other girl, Number 6 was soooo amazing. (Haha, wow, I totally KNEW I would end up ranting about the romance in that movie on my blog…)

So I guess, all in all, my life is pretty chill for everything except for speech and debate, and even then it’s still kinda chill. and sucky. at the same time. haha

23 Nov

And there she lay,

Deep beneath the willow tree

The silver birches sway

with the reeds of the cattails,

and her wispy light tresses.

She sleeps soundly in the light of the moon

to the lullaby of a sweet nightingale

Or perhaps, a meadow lark.

Face illuminated the silvery dust of

Dusk and twilight mingled,

Night and night, intertwined into one.

Time is hard to tell in this world,

And perhaps it does not exist at all

Within this silent world of dreams,

This whole world will be cloaked

in reflective silver darkness

And infinite twinkling stars.

The sun has not risen since the beginning of time, perhaps,

And the world of street cars and cities

Had already disappeared…

The memory of that world is fading,

Disintegrating into the pitch-black void of my mind,

And perhaps it was a million millenniums from when those days existed.

 

 

the little things and Life.

23 Nov

The little things are always the big things

Too big for the brain to handle —

How is this possible?!

How can it be so small,

How can it happen so quickly?

The little things are always the big things

They are essential to everything

But hidden, unseen

Such a big, complicated, yet little thing…

It is surprising that it does not try to make itself

Big and boastful, for all to see

For all to envy and wonder about

Along with the meaning of Life.

 

 

to read Warrior Heir or to read the second book of the Hunger Games — that is the question.

23 Nov

a romance with the wind.

23 Nov

Walking, I search for comfort

Relief, rehabilitation in quietness

Reflection, silent enlightenment

Lost deep in thought.

Out of nowhere I hear

You laugh, and nuzzle up

against my face

The sudden pampering, the attention

startles me but you have already gone

I know you will return one day

I wish to return your delicate kisses

I will catch you and hold on

Let you take me

Wherever the sun shines, and

Dance so our feet

will never touch the ground.

An ethereal romance, you are

invisible and fleeting —

a dancing fairy, a graceful sprite

A warm, delightful mystery