Archive | April, 2012
26 Apr

Nature always forgives and forgets…

Abide in the wind, and everything will be okay.

23 Apr

I love Earnest Hemingway:

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”

-Earnest Hemingway, forever the cynic

strength vs. courage

22 Apr

Strength is the ability to go on even in tough times,

Courage is the strength to risk tough times in search of something you desire.

All That Is Gold.

22 Apr

“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”

J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Frustrations

22 Apr

I haven’t been blogging much these days, and when I do it tends to be about unimportant, non-profound things, and that really bothers me. It frustrates me that I can’t think linearly, but I guess all scatterbrained, spasmodic people have to deal with this. It’s tough to get my thoughts on paper (or in this case, on the computer) and it’s tough to stay on topic and not get carried away by digressions and random tangents or meaningless connections my mind makes.

Don’t get me wrong, I love blogging. It’s a way for me to unclutter the thoughts in my brain and a way for me to sort feelings out or store interesting thoughts in my ludicrously strange mind.

I’ve wanted to do this for a while, but I would like to really thank the girl who got me started with blogging. She should know who she is, so I’m not going to

I admit it — I did start with Tumblr, and I did get caught up with the pretty, too-good-to-be-true cliches and vintage pictures, song lyrics, and pics; but what I loved the most was the rare blogger who actually blogged about his life and made himself sound human and relatable to his readers. (Hey, it’s because our generation doesn’t have Xanga! I used to think Xanga was a purely social networking site, just like MySpace, and not a blog.) I respected the people who actually really sit down and try to look at their life and the world from a not-so-biased or narrowminded perspective. I tried to blog about my life on Tumblr, but it was so awkward because everyone you kind of know is following you, but they judge because they don’t necessarily know you very well or even at all. The amazing girl who got me started with Tumblr also got me started with WordPress, though indirectly.

I wish I would have the courage to blog a bit more about things on Tumblr, but even more on here. I give kudos to all those people who blog indiscriminately on Tumblr and don’t care what others think, I think it requires a lot of courage to take a stance on something and spark discussion, opposition, etc. To me. though, WordPress is a place I feel I can be totally transparent before you all and work out the tangles in my brain without feeling awkward or hypocritical or insolent. People on Tumblr blog, but not really about their lives or their own problems. They tend to judge others but not themselves. WordPress is a place you can feel okay with analyzing things like your own tendencies, quirks, failures, mistakes, human condition, society, et cetera.

To basically sum up this entire post, I need to blog more. I want to blog about things with substance, things that may inspire or encourage myself or others, things that allow people so see the world from another angle, something profound and real, yet completely unique and abstract.

when things change…

21 Apr

It’s a terrible feeling to find out that people change, that things around us are not as solid, safe, secure as they seem, that things are just one misstep from falling apart or fading away. We humans are beings that look forward to and depend upon the constancy of things and people in our daily lives. We are relational beings, we set in roots in places and we expect them to grow and blossom in our future lives. No matter what people say, we don’t really like adventure. We may like the sudden, precarious thrills of adventure, but deep down, where things are important, when the fantastical dreams and chimerical tales of our lives are over and gone, we want something real and sturdy: we want security and comfort and a solid sheltered place to call our home. We want family waiting for us to welcome us with open arms, friends who will be with us and support us, a place that we know will be safe and salubrious. Those things of solidity, things we put our trust in to never fail us, never forsake us, things we believe will always be there…we need them. We need them to constantly reaffirm who we are, we need their support and confidence and trust, we need them to see through us to our inner selves and remind us be who we truly are. We need people and things to remind us that we are not what the world tells us we are, but ourselves, and those are the things that keep us on our right path in life, they guide us and help us to truly see and understand what we have to do in life, what our purpose is, etcetera. But the truth is that things change. People constantly are revising their views, things we depend on change and disappear, heck, we change. Sometimes people or things that meant so much to us the past has come to mean nothing to us. Things we used to love or feel so much ardor for have faded away into the void. People we used to trust unconditionally, we now suspect or doubt.

Perhaps you have felt this way about someone or something in your life, perhaps you’ve come back or maybe even stepped back and taken a closer look into your life or the lives of others around you, maybe you’ve read between the lines and discovered that things you as have always thought are really not what they seem. People you thought would never do anything to hurt someone else, or even yourself, are and have been doing it for a while now. Without even a second thought. Why do they fall back on contradicting their character? Why do they do things like this now? Have they been pushed into a corner in their lives, blinded with no other way out? But they were once so perfect, they never made any great mistakes, they were people we would hope to be like when we grow older, people who inspired and motivated us to become better people. How could they do that to themselves, let themselves get away with compromising their true, righteousness or authenticity? People change, things change, values and morals change, the world changes, doctrines change, what people consider to be the truth changes… That’s just the way it is. But humans cannot be surrounded with constancy. They need something strong and firm to hold them up, even when people fail you, even when your loved ones betray you, even when the world abandons you.

I am not going to talk about god(s), or faith, or religion, but I do want you guys to think about things in your life. Are they solid, safe, and secure; enough for you to build your life upon? Or are they transient, fleeting, fallible, insecure, shakeable, conditional, temporary, ephemeral?

I am Hungry: (symmetry poem)

14 Apr

Hungry for things I want and for things I do not want.

For things I want to keep and hold and feel:

Things that light up my world and shine brighter from the inside out.

Things that make me warm, things that are

Worth no less than the main sustenance of life.

For things I want to disappear inside the fathomless abyss:

For things of anger that wreak havoc upon hearts and torment minds.

For things of bitterness that cloud daily life,

Things of awkward and insecure nature,

The inexorable mutterings of a worrisome soul.