a game of “friendship”

21 May

The longer I put my life on pause for them, for the convenience of others,

The more I lose myself and my feelings, the more I lose my individuality,

The more I kill myself off and become numb to all thought and feeling…

How I wish I could leave this cage, how long must I stay a bird in a cage?

If only did I not befriend my captor, those smiling eyes and beautiful lips

That beckoned me with sweet words and melody, would not I have been

Free? Would I not be captured? These remain my selfish thoughts, inside

The deep and sinful corner of my mind… Yet perhaps it was punishment,

And quite inevitable, fate’s strings to test me, or resign me to my destiny

A life of misery, voicelessness; ice and fire; and walking on a tightrope…

My feet are bleeding, my wings are bound, my eyes and heart are so tired

…So very tired.

And I see the light. I see, it is quite the time to leave.

Selfishness and exaggeration and analogies to extreme similarities are quite present in this…poem or terrible poetic prose.

However, I feel safe in writing this because this is how a person’s brain works, isn’t it? (Especially since we are so very young.)

We feel every emotion magnified, and we take our first world problems/teenage angst and relate them with the most extreme, horrible circumstances.

Perhaps I am not a bird in a cage in this circumstance, but in a more general, big view, I certainly believe so.

In this particular circumstance, I believe it is more similar to a girl walking the plank her entire life, or on a thin thread, where every little thing said or done crashes and burns, or falls to destruction and desolation.

I know this is selfish of me to write something like this about my situation and others, but to have thoughts themselves is selfish also, right? This is my blog, where I am allowed and expected to write and post the most selfish, jealous, ranting, angry, judgmental of thoughts, is it not? I apologize for being human, and biased, and only knowing my side of the story.

So for the rest, I am justified, and I don’t apologize.

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