terrified.

19 Jul

I’m scared of my brother. I know, it’s stupid, but I find myself shaking when I talk to him sometimes. Like when he asks me questions, I can’t think and my stomach tightens up and my entire body starts shaking. Maybe I just don’t want to seem like such an idiot in front of him, maybe I want to prove myself, prove that I’m better than what he thinks I am, prove that I’m competent, more than competent, maybe I want to show him that I’m better than my sister, different from her. Completely different. But the scary thing with him is, he sees right through people. And I’m scared of being transparent.

By the way, my brother is 25 and 9 years older than me, and we almost never talk. But I’m living at his place in San Diego for my summer internship.

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